am i wrong?

i am fucking awesome. I am a catch. I have great boobs, an excellent body, pretty face. I have a fun, caring generous personality, adventurous, imaginative, FUN. I am a win. I can do better than you. But i don't want to. I want YOU. Should i wait it out? should i wait out ur retarded spell and wait for you to choose me again? I can. I can do that. I can just sit here and think of fun and exciting things for us to do once you come to your senses. I'm able to do that. I will do that for you. I WIL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU.

If this is all wrong, let me know. If i really am not the girl of your dreams, let me know. because right now i am standing in a cold damp pitch black tunnel. I can only just see the light at both of the ends. YOU have put me here. At one end is you. The life we had, the life you said you wanted. The life you said you wanted to build up with me, together. There is holidays to thailand, honeymoons in Edinburgh, children, dogs allowed inside, christmas with santa, a house with a theatre entertainment room designed by you. An amazing cocktail bar with every imaginable alcohol stocked up in it for making crazy fun tasty drinks (like the tropical island... the first cocktail drink you ever made me back in your apartment.) A little pet bunny. (the one you won't let me get now coz you think it will die in my room).



At the other end is another life. A life i can barley remember because it hasn't been thought of since i met you. There is many things but no you. Well you are there but it is a different you. a you where we are just friends. and that is really only temporary. Because once you get a new girl to bring into your world, i will be gently put to the side and politely asked to remain in my world.

So dearest bunny, please don't think for one second that i am hopeless, that i NEED YOU, i simply just WANT YOU. i love you. i love what we had. and although you and your silly ideals put me here in this tunnel i can get my way out. I will be able to stumble in the dark back out into the light. BUT once in the light i'm not going to come back into the dark, throught this damned tunnel to get to your side again. this is it. MAKE SURE THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT.

its hard to explain these feelings emotionally so i will do it medically and scientifically but basically this is what is happening to my body.

I gave you my heart. My whole heart. Young, fresh, nieve and innocent. You were the first person that i ever gave this to. When you ended it you couldn't just give me my heart back. Even if i wanted to my heart is deep within that cavity in your body resting up against your rib cage. When i gave it to you i don't think i realized the gravity of it but once given and planted and living inside someone else you can never get your heart back. Therefore in essence i need to kill that heart and grow a new one. Because i can't live without my heart. And it thrived in you, but now you've take back yourself from me i'm dying with out it.
So please hear this. I am killing that heart i gave to you so earnestly those 2 years ago, and i'm growing a new one. Well i am going to have to. I am going to. And i will be fine, again i still have a choice and plenty of freedom, just because you have my heart and it will be exquisitely black pain to kill it doesn't mean that i can't grown an new one. And this second one will naturally be bigger and stronger and i will be so careful to whom i give it to next. And i have the power in deciding who i will give it to. i can be picky and make my own choice, and i will.

BUT that heart you have of mine inside of you i love. I love it for its pureness, sweetness. It was my first heart and i love it, i love its ideals and ideas and dreams and hopes. I love what i filled it up with. I LOVE WHAT YOU FILLED IT UP WITH......................
I LOVE IT BEING INSIDE OF YOU.
so if perchance i am killing it unnecessarily then PLEASE LET ME KNOW. PLEASE LET ME KNOW BEFORE I KILL IT. because like everything. once it's dead it can not be revived.