I have no home. 
There is nothing left for me at Engadine, I have completely out grown that house. Of course I still love my family but I can't live there anymore. Every time I go there I feel as if I have stepped into a book of memories that have long since faded and gone cold. 
The place where I am living isn't my home. I become obsolete every time sturt steps from my side. Everything about the house screams temporary and every time I go there it feels as if I have stepped into a book of memories that I was never part of and never will be and all of the participants have long since all taken their own separate ways.
I am a nomad of the worst kind. Never comfortable, never happy. My only home is sturts arms. But he is always busy and constantly leaves stranded.




Post Note;
The other day I stepped out to escape. I needed to be myself for a while, not this needy stranger I have become. I let myself get lost on the turns and winds of the road. Love sucks everything out of you. I felt as if I was an intruder on these suburban roads as everyone else had an agenda, somewhere to be somewhere to go. Where as I was trying to find somewhere to go. Fumbling on the turns trying to pretend that I belonged just as everyone else did. I let the houses and trees flow floridly through me till I became the car. Just at the point when I was thinking I must be so far from your house I really should pull out my gps I came to a fork. There was a car both in front and behind me so I had to quickly bluff that I knew where i was going. I chose in a split second,left, only to see a second later a no through road sign. Damnit I thought I guess I fucked up the rhythm and now I'll have to turn around. But then I saw something so familiar. It was such a mind fuck. But somehow I had found myself back at your street. Your house down the end with you inside. I had come up the backwards way. When I had honestly thought I was so far away I had simply been finding my way home to you.

so much pretty princess beauty

slippery dip to magic land

I want to write songs. That's why I immerse myself in everything like a seal in a bathtub. I want the foam of life to come up and get caught in my throat till I can't help but cough life back out. I want to eat down the world till it poisons me, and foams back out of my mouth as fully formed words.

Sometimes I just want to take the most precious most expensive thing, the thing I love the most and treasure above all and smash it against a wall.




You shall never understand this.

Sturt,

home for me is where you are,
so can you please hurry up and come here
so i can be home!

love cat