Velvet Kitten: September 2016

You set yourself up to fail from day one. From that very first walk along the bridge, when I didn't really like you as a person. When you told me about all the three different girls you were seeing. I thought you were egotistic and gross. You're stupid self defeating theory on how you can't have all three in a relationship. (Side note we didn't even have one - we weren't sexually compatible - I always felt so awkward, we weren't intellectually on the same level and we didn't have a great friendship.)
You told me how in every relationship you have cheated and I thought that was sad on your behalf.

Then started something. I walked in knowing and accepting everything, I understood exactly what I was getting into - I don't think you did.

I was open to you and was growing a relationship with you regardless of this distinct background feeling that this could end very badly for me. I pushed through that, I believed in you, in us. I was not wearing rose colored glasses, I knew you were a shit person and loved you anyway.

But you insisted on planting doubts in my mind. Here's a few highlights (thirteen to be exact as thirteen is a very unlucky number for the chinese);

The way you spoke about your ex's was so derogatory and not nice, I didn't like the disrespect you had for them as women... as people.
The way you needed to be 'friends' with all of them, Big Red wisely told you to fuck off yet still to this day you message her trying to be her 'friend'.
The way you would rush to their sides at the first opportunity * see below the two hilarious examples... you are fucked.
You turned your phone off on me twice without an other explanation other than you wanted to shut the world out. Fine man, but tell me first.
The way you had some 20 year old "you hadn't been sexual with for at least a year" messaging you saying she was "damp all week thinking of you". (I'm not even going to get into her poetry/pick up line skills because fuck man, where to start). And you accidently sent me a screenshot of this, never once did I go through your phone or anything private.
The way you had a stalker and never really did anything about it. This stalker girl whom you said you hadn't been sexual with for years called you most nights at midnight and messaged you dirty things constantly. I told you to tell her to back off but you said you sort of couldn't because she was mentally unstable. okay yeah I can see that.
The way you would always turn up late or cancel - always for the job you hate... doesn't ad up at all dude.
The way you would post pictures of girls tagging #ultimate bae and would point out girls you thought were hot in the street... you didn't ever make me feel beautiful or safe.
The way you would compare me to my face to your past girl friends.... and also talk about them a lot. You tried to give me a nickname that related directly to one of them... little red... you are so fucked.
The dumb jokes you would make "haha, are you looking for another girls stuff" when I went into your bathroom once to use it. "No man, I wasn't, hadn't even thought of that... should I be?"
The way you would take other girls to special places we had been or had discovered together.... like you wanted so badly to impress them but you didn't have enough imagination to think or somewhere original so you just sacrificed a lovely memory we had made somewhere.
How you were horrified at the idea of me getting a bar job and cited "we won't ever have time to see each other" yet I know that was bullshit because you broke up with me because you couldn't give me what I wanted... time OVER TEXT btw oh and you told all your friends ... including those in other countries we had broken up before you could be bother to sent me that text too.
You obsessed over a lot of dumb things but cuckold was one from that very first night. You asked me who my cuckold threat would be. I should have known then and there that we think and operate extremely differently.

Cancelling a weekend with me at the last minute to run down to see your ex's sick child when she had her own boyfriend with her and didn't even know or ask you to come down.
Giving you stripper ex girlfriend $20,000 and meeting up with her to discuss why she shouldn't become a prostitute. She also had two supportive parents and a boyfriend who all could have done this and been there for her but you insisted you had to.

Yet after all this I still persevered. You tried to hard to piss me off and hurt me so I would go away, but as deep and as intense as your defenses were, my love, loyalty was stronger.

So you did the only thing you could and ended it yourself (for the second time).

I have never felt so sad for someone ever before in my life. I know know without any doubt, your future is a sad one. Not because you lost me or because I'm pissed if or you've scorned me because you haven't and I'm not. But because you don't have the ability to understand love, you don't even understand this, I'm not sure if you are even aware of this.

Love isn't about you, it's about the other person. Love isn't about feeling safe, its about making the other person safe and putting them before yourself. Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy or get angry or closed off. It is not in denial, it is open and willing and persevering. It is loyal, it is fun and it is sexy.